why i will always hate the sutton showcase!!!

all three years that i went 2 sutton, i wanted 2 sign up 4 the showcase. unfortunately, i didn't get 2 in 6th and 7th grades. it was like, one day was the first day u could sign up. next day, it was 2 late. in 8th grade, my friend chaise and i finally got our forms turned in. only 2 not make it. we decided 2 cover blurry by puddle of mudd. so chaise memorized most of the vocals and i memorized all of the chords on the guitar. we practiced as often as possible. chaise never told me how she practiced, but i always picture it as going a little bit like this: she practiced 4 about 30 minutes b4 starting homework and would practice in between assignments. she'd finish one assignment, practice 4 about 5 minutes, and start another assignment. that kept going until she finished her homework. then she practiced nonstop until it was time 4 her 2 eat dinner. she practiced after dinner. and when she went 2 bed, she said she'd sing herself 2 sleep, singing the lyrics 2 that song. as 4 me, i'd do my homework on the bus so i could get it the hell out of the way. once i got home, i'd call my mom, have a bowl of cereal, and practice playing those chords until my mom and brother came home. i'd take a break and say hi 2 them, then i'd start practicing again until dinner time. after that, i practiced until it was time 2 get ready 4 bed. once i went 2 bed, i'd hum the melody while fingering the chords in mid air. sometimes, my parents would go out 2 trivia and tell me not 2 stay up 2 late. every time, though, i stayed up until maybe 15 minutes b4 they got back (which would b around 2 in the morning) and practiced. then, i'd go 2 bed 15 minutes b4 my parents got back and fall asleep. and it would b like i was asleep the whole time. and every morning on the bus, chaise and i would listen 2 the song on my iPod (b4 that bastard-ass nathan katica -don't give 2 fucks if i misspelled his name- stole it this past year in 9th grade), just 2 b able 2 fix what we thought we were messing up on. and every night, we practiced until we got it exactly right. finally when the day of the auditions came, i was nervous and excited at the same time. i was constantly checking 2 see if my guitar was in tune and making sure no strings were broken. i also constantly checked 2 see if i still had my pick and my extra set of strings, just in case one broke. when me and chaise's time came 2 audition, i took a deep breath. i was ready. chaise sang maybe 5 words and i only played one chord. and that's when i heard the words i still dread when thinking back on this event: "okay, stop. u're out." out of curiosity, i asked, "did we do something wrong?" one of the judges said, "u guys suck." "but," i argued, "u barely heard us play. she sang 5 words and i played one chord. u barely heard the song." the judge pointed at chaise and said, "u're flat." turning his finger 2 me, he told me, "u came in 2 late." "have u," i asked, protesting, "even heard the original song?" all of the judges said no. "how, then, do u know how it's supposed 2 sound? unless u know how the original song goes, and until u heard us perform the whole thing, u can't criticize us," i said. the first judge replied, "actually, yes we can. we evaluate based on what we want 2 hear and see." i was so depressed at that point. we had practiced at every given moment. we had tried our damn hardest. and they didn't even want 2 give us a chance. i thought, "that racist judge only denied chaise bcuz she was black. and u usually don't hear black ppl singing rock songs. and he only denied me bcuz somehow, he knows i'm not even american. that racist punk-ass."  that wasn't the only reason it was unfair. we didn't know what the judges wanted 2 see or hear. so how the hell were we supposed 2 know which acts would get us in2 the showcase? chaise sounded amazing. and i still hope i sounded just as good. but we didn't know they were expecting something specific OR that they were gonna go racist on us. everybody else got a chance. and no matter their skin color or ethnicity, they weren't dogged on like we were. and there's nothing we can do about that.

for real this time (w/out q. 43 & 44)

i've decided that i also wanna answer these questions seriously so they make more sense. i am excluding questions 43 and 44.

1. How are you feeling today? depressed

2. Will you get far in life? hope so

3. How do your friends see you? sad, withdrawn

4. Will you get married? maybe

5. What is your best friend's theme song? something in your mouth by nickelback

6. What is the story of your life? 2 long 2 put in this post. i'll put it in another post.

7. What's high school like? stupid

8. How can you get ahead in life? do whatever the hell i want.

9. What is the best thing about your friends? most of them r constantly sad just like me.

10. What is in store for this weekend? nuthin. i don't usually do stuff over the weekend.

11. To describe your grandparents?! old

12. How is your life going? not good.

13. What song will they play at your funeral? anthem of the angels

14. How does the world see you? very withdrawn

15. Will you have a happy life? i hope so. i don't wanna b sad anymore.

16. What do friends really think of you? never happy

17. Do people secretly lust after you? no

18. How can I make myself happy? listen 2 music rly loud

19. What should you do with your life? just end it already

20. Will you ever have children? maybe 1 or 2

22. If a man in a van offered you candy, what would you do? hurt him. what? gotta use my pocket knife 4 sumthin

23. What does your mom think of you? lazy

24. What is your deep dark secret? well, i can't tell u or it wouldn't b a secret.

25. What is your mortal enemy's theme song?  float on by modest mouse

26. What's your personality like? dark, boyish (although i'm a girl)

27. Which song will be played at your wedding? down by the water by the decemberists

28. If you were to become the Dictator of a small Eastern-European nation, you would be seen as... awesome

29. What are your aspirations? i wanna b a musician and when my band breaks up i wanna b a private investigator

30. What goes through your head when you wake up? why haven't i killed myself yet?

31. What is your name? aurore kristen cagnjer

32. Favourite activity? drawing

33. What is the name of your school? North Atlanta

34. What do you enjoy reading about? dark things, music, horses

35. What do you dream about? horses, baseball, fave celebrities

36. What kind of pictures do you look for on the internet? horses, baseball, fave celebrities

37. How are your parents doing? my dad's probably frustrated (working on his difficult car), but my mum, idk

38. What has been the highlight of this day? u don't wanna know. bad day. very bad day.

39. What do you think your best friend is doing right now? calling me stupid behind my back

40. What do you want written on your next birthday cake? "Rules Breed Rebels"

41. If your Mum called you into your room right now what might it be for? being rude or sumthin

42. What will you name your first kid? i honestly don't know

hemorrhage - fuel

i was given some questions by a friend this morning and am supposed 2 use songs i like 2 answer them. DISCLAIMER: this does not make any sense. if u get it, good 4 u. if not... neither do i.

1. How are you feeling today? sappy (sad) - nirvana

2. Will you get far in life? you're gonna go far, kid - the offspring

3. How do your friends see you? smells like teen spirit - nirvana

4. Will you get married? white wedding - billy idol

5. What is your best friend's theme song? something in your mouth - nickelback

6. What is the story of your life? diary of jane - breaking benjamin

7. What's high school like? rebel yell - billy idol

8. How can you get ahead in life? anything goes - AC/DC

9. What is the best thing about your friends? higher - creed

10. What is in store for this weekend? you are a tourist - death cab for cutie

11. To describe your grandparents?! hanging by a moment - lifehouse

12. How is your life going? garden - pearl jam

13. What song will they play at your funeral? anthem of the angels - breaking benjamin

14. How does the world see you? i stand alone - godsmack

15. Will you have a happy life? zero - smashing pumpkins

16. What do friends really think of you? big empty - stone temple pilots

17. Do people secretly lust after you? hopeless - breaking benjamin

18. How can I make myself happy? happy? - mudvayne

19. What should you do with your life? sail - AWOLNATION

20. Will you ever have children? once in a lifetime - talking heads

22. If a man in a van offered you candy, what would you do? click click boom - saliva

23. What does your mom think of you? get up - korn

24. What is your deep dark secret? turn so cold - drowning pool

25. What is your mortal enemy's theme song? float on - modest mouse

26. What's your personality like? far from home - five finger death punch

27. Which song will be played at your wedding? down by the water - the decemberists

28. If you were to become the Dictator of a small Eastern-European nation, you would be seen as... bleed it out - linkin park

29. What are your aspirations? rock & roll - eric hutchinson

30. What goes through your head when you wake up? sail - AWOLNATION

31. What is your name? miss murder - AFI

32. Favourite activity? sing - my chemical romance (only mcr song i like)

33. What is the name of your school? world in my eyes - depeche mode

34. What do you enjoy reading about? died - alice in chains

35. What do you dream about? country boy - aaron lewis

36. What kind of pictures do you look for on the internet? judy & the dream of horses - belle & sebastian

37. How are your parents doing? scream - avenged sevenfold

38. What has been the highlight of this day? once in a lifetime - talking heads

39. What do you think your best friend is doing right now? rock & roll - eric hutchinson

40. What do you want written on your next birthday cake? ain't no rest for the wicked - cage the elephant

41. If your Mum called you into your room right now what might it be for? cold - crossfade

42. What will you name your first kid? i don't know - ozzy osbourne

43. What did you think of this? animal - neon trees

44. What will be the title of this? hemorrhage - fuel

well...

school's almost over. 9th grade SUCKED!!! lotsa fights, my depressive/angry moods, lotsa tests and quizzes and homework and projects, crazy-ass lit teachers (ms. brackin), douche bag study skills teachers (greenly), shit like that... but i'm not sure my summer's gonna b much better. i'm going to valdosta (ga), alabama, tennessee, and north carolina. imma b in north carolina fur 2 weeks and while going 2 valdosta, alabama, and tennessee, imma b on the power tour w/ my dad and am gonna b in each location 4 only a day. and we get from place 2 place by traveling on all back roads so as long as the drive may b, it's rly pretty. but i'm not real sure my mood's gonna change very much. i remember going 2 chicago last summer and while the parks were pretty and the city was very shadow-ish and industrial (which i like), i was in a pissed mood the whole time. i wasn't in that great a mood when we went to wisconsin 4 that 1 day b4 going back 2 chicago, either. i mean, the fair was fun and it was pretty cool going through the corn fields, but once i came out of the fields after the second time i went in, my legs were scratched and bleeding. and during the fair, it started to rain and my legs began 2 burn. it was so uncomfortable. so, what i was really trying 2 say in this post b4 i got carried away (which always happens 2 me), while i'm not rly looking 4ward 2 summer, i'm ready 4 school 2 b ovr, 2.

things i hate

worms
wet leaves
old linoleum flooring (wet or dry)
ppl (especially hobos, ppl from louisiana, or both)
poison ivy
rust
pink
light purple
acne
spiders
cob webs
dinosaurs
big trucks and tour busses (even if parked, unless i'm in one)
moving vehicles (again, unless i'm in one)
yellow
insects
superstitions
dark windows (some stalker could b staring @ u behind a dark window waiting 2 kill u)
flowers
pop
rap
justin bieber
brussels sprouts
collard greens
asparagus
carrots (unless overcooked, but not 2 overcooked)
Mondays
mornings
Monday mornings
sewing
knitting
yarn
eels
essays
having my items stolen
coconut
the cw (tv network)
bravo (tv network)
summaries
tenacious d (band)
math
green beans (unless overcooked, but not 2 overcooked)
broccoli
salad
mushrooms
being itchy
classic board games (except checkers)
bad grades
slugs
snails
unripe bananas
theme park rides and games
names for theme park rides and games
fictional princesses (except for the one with the rly long hair who gets locked in a tower)


... plus a lot more

him. again.

that fucking bastard. yes, u, tory. i get frustrated and he lookes at me like i'm weird. 1, u pretend 2 throw water in ppl's faces, yell names across the room, dance ramdomly (even if there's no music playing), and u make random faces all day. and i'm the idiot? look, everybody's weird in their own way. i'm not the only one. and 2, tory, if i came in2 class late, weather i had a pass or not, u'd b looking @ me like i did something wrong. i'm pretty sure u've had more unexcused tardies than i have, u yell across the room, and u txt in class. and i did something wrong??? i can't wait 4 tory 2 get some fucking sense knocked in2 his head.

songs i'm addicted 2

billy idol - rebel yell
billy idol - white wedding
breaking benjamin - breath
breaking benjamin - fade away
breaking benjamin - without you
nirvana - dumb
nirvana - smells like teen spirit
nirvana - scoff
nirvana - paper cuts
nirvana - sifting
disturbed - stupify
disturbed - down with the sickness
disturbed - stricken
disturbed - voices
depeche mode - lilian
metallica - enter sandman
chevelle - jars
foo fighters - miracle
death cab for cutie - you are a tourist
korn - get up
the decemberists - down by the water
staind - this is it
staind - outside
staind - for you
staind - fade
awolnation - sail


.... probably more